Warumono wa Yakuruto o Nomu
by Happyteehee
Summary: "You had seen the two of them sneaking around, whispering and smirking a lot lately. They were probably plotting the next attack against the Bakufu, or maybe they were just exchanging Christmas gifts? The former would be most likely, though who knew with Takasugi. " Reader-Insert. No pairing, just crack. And yakult.


**It's a little early for Christmas fics, but oh, well~! **  
**Disclaimer: I do not own Gintama, Yakult or you~.**

* * *

"Merry Christmas, ya lazy bastards!" Kijima Matako yelled, and drank the eggnog Takechi Henpeita had poured for her.  
"Honestly, Matako-dono, can't you keep it down? It's Christmas Eve, not Wild boar's Eve," Takechi said, shaking his head at the drunken woman.  
"Stop calling me a boar!" she roared, "I'm a cute lady, right, Shinsuke-sama~?" she chimed.  
"Shinsuke's not here," you mumbled while reading a book you had found in said man's bedroom.  
"Ah, where could he be?" Takechi wondered, standing over you and happened to see down the cleavage of your kimono.  
"Close your eyes or I will permanently close them for you," you threatened, "Shinsuke's with Kawakami-kun doing God knows what.

You had seen the two of them sneaking around, whispering and smirking a lot lately. They were probably plotting the next attack against the Bakufu, or maybe they were just exchanging Christmas gifts? The former would be most likely, though who knew with Takasugi. The man was a big mystery. When he had asked you to join him on his quest for destruction you had turned him down, since you were not interested in destroying anything at that moment. Somehow, the Kiheitai leader managed to change your opinion using rather devious methods. You shivered as the old memory came to mind, it wasn't a pleasant memory.

"That is very strange… Why Bansai-dono, and what could they possibly be doing together?"  
"I don't know, kissing, maybe?" you suggested with a smirk, and then grimaced at the thought of the two men kissing each other.  
"Shinsuke-sama wouldn't be kissing Bansai-Senpai! If he's going to kiss someone it's going to be-" the shōji door slid open, revealing a rather pleased Kawakami Bansai.  
"Did I interrupt something?" he asked, seating himself beside Matako, who was standing up.  
"Tch! Where the hell have you been, huuh?! With Shinsuke-sama?!" she questioned, leaning down to look the unaffected Bansai in the eyes.  
"No, I was listening to some great music from Edo. They use garbage cans as drums, isn't that neat?"  
"Senpai, you're an idiot."  
"I'm sorry, I can't hear you, I'm listening to that band right now," Bansai nodded his head to the music while eating a gingerbread cookie. He looked like a hen picking for food.  
Matako slurred a few curses towards the teal-green haired man, and continued to drink her eggnog with great enthusiasm.  
While she had been making a fuss, you were wondering where your leader had gone off to. Usually, he sat with you all and played the shamisen, talking about how much he wanted to see the world burn. It was then Bansai and Matako would take him to his room and let him stay there. Even though they were working with him where the objective was to destroy the world, they still wanted to relax in the holidays, since it actually was the holidays.

A thought occurred to you as you looked at Matako trying to pry Bansai's clothes off; it wasn't just Takasugi that was missing, that Yato boy Kamui was gone, too.  
You closed your book and decided to go and look for Kamui, you had a fairly good relationship with him and you enjoyed his company (except when he tried to kill you, of course). Earlier on Christmas Eve you had seen Abuto wandering around, eating candy-canes and giving out Christmas quizzes. Most of them were quite macabre, even for him. That didn't stop anyone in the Kiheitai from enjoying their Christmas, though. They kept singing Christmas songs, watching Christmas movies, playing games – it didn't feel like they were a part of the most dangerous terrorist organization, at all.

After wandering around trying to locate the red-headed Yato, you decided to give up. That was when _he_ appeared in front of you, carrying a big load of-  
"Yakult?"  
"Good evening, [Name]-san," Takasugi greeted, his green eye sparkling.  
"Yeah, hey. What are you doing with all of those cartoons with Yakult? Are you going to drown someone in them?" you stifled your laugh as you imagined Takasugi drowning someone in Yakult.  
"Isn't it obvious?" he asked, pulling the cart of Yakult after him, walking past you. "I am going to hand it out."  
"Oh, Lord…" you looked the man up and down, he was wearing a red and white kimono with a black obi, and to top it off he pulled out a red and white stocking cap and placed it on his head.  
"Shinsuke, are you alright? You seem a little…_jolly_."  
"Don't tell me you wouldn't love to have Shinsuke Claus bringing you Yakult, everyone loves Yakult," he said in that seductive voice of his. Although, the seductiveness kind of faded by the way he was talking about Yakult. It was actually creepy.  
"Y-yeah, no, we all want that," you laughed nervously, grimacing slightly at the man. Takasugi grabbed a carton of Yakult and tossed it to you, "Merry Christmas, and a happy Yakult-eve~."

As you watched your leader walk away, humming the Yakult theme song, you realized something; this was actually the nicest thing he had ever done to any of his subordinates. Maybe miracles really did happen, after all? With a small smile you turned the carton and read on the back;  
_May contain traces of alcohol. Merry Yakult. _  
"Ah. So that's why he's strange," you muttered to yourself before following after your slightly intoxicated boss. If anyone saw him like this he would be ridiculed for the rest of his Yakult-loving life.

* * *

**For Christmas I want my own Bakasugi. And maybe some Yakult.**

_**-Teehee~.**_


End file.
